Why a Swiffer Sweeper-Vac will change your life, if only in a small way

Only in the last four or five years have I become domesticated enough to listen to people when they talk to me about household chores, or to even know people who talk about these things. I was complaining to Trish at work about our laminate floors and how I had to wear shoes in the house at all times or sweep constantly to avoid having little bits forever sticking to the bottom of my feet - which I can't stand. She said I should go out and get a Swiffer Sweeper-Vac. It's a Swiffer but with a little vacuum strip in front to get all the chunky stuff that won't stick to the pad, and it is the greatest thing to happen to me since I invented mashed potato pizza that will blow your mind.

I once was a hateful woman who spent all day cursing the dust and dirt that covered my floors and the feet of the people who tracked it in. No doormat could be held responsible for that volume of debris. I think part of the issue is the laminate floor that has no grooves to catch the dirt. I shuddered to think what kind of filth was in the carpet and couldn't sweep without also vacuuming. It was consuming my life. So when Trish suggested the Swiffer Sweeper-Vac the $30 seemed like a small price to pay for some much needed peace of mind.

Thirty dollars is a lot of money for any type of cleaning product, but the Swiffer people will never price the Sweeper-Vac for what it's worth. I still feel like a hateful woman, but I'm a hateful woman with clean feet. There's no more going over and over the floor, the heavy stuff flying across the room and the light stuff moving three inches, trying to get all the dirt into a neat little pile that I'll inevitably walk through on the way to get the dustpan, no more agonizing about that irritating crease of dust that will never make it into the dustpan no matter how many angles or degrees of force I use sweep it up, and although there's still just as much stuff tracked in I can take care of it quickly and easily.

I've sung the praise of the Sweeper-Vac to everyone who will listen, including my Dad who, since my mother's been sick, I've realized is not the one who was overly-concerned about the "chi" in their house. On a trip up to Chicago he had me pick him up a Sweeper-Vac and has now become a man who gets up on Saturday morning and Swiffers the house, a dust bunny doesn't stand a chance. He credits the Sweeper-Vac with his transformation and is even interested in one of those Dyson vacuums, which look amazing but surely there is no improvement that could be made to a vacuum that would rival that of the Sweeper-Vac to the broom, unless that vacuum could somehow make dinner too.

I'm hoping that if I write "Swiffer Sweeper-Vac" enough times Google will post an ad with a coupon so you will all be able to go out and get one too. It will change your life, if only in a small way.