Dear Yard at 1106 Quail Hollow Road,
I realize that this is long overdue. You've no doubt noticed by now that I'm not the kind of person who "does yard work," but that certainly does not justify my severe neglect. I mean it wouldn't kill me to just go pick up some tree limbs or sprinkle some wild flower seeds on the ground. As I've been sitting inside, safe from the elements, watching TV and staring out the windows you've been out there languishing under snow and ice and tree branches and at times, like tonight, rushing water from torrential rain. I apologize, I know that that is very small in terms of what you deserve, but what else can I say?
Very shortly I plan to do something about that crater where the pool used to be. I don't know if you know this, but we did try to clean it up a little bit. Did you notice how we attempted to destroy the rotted deck and push it's remains into the crater? We honestly thought that we could fill it in and then just put dirt over it and then maybe grow some grass. We didn't know that the slabs of deck wouldn't quite fit and would just jut out at odd angles. It also didn't occur to us that we would have to get out the liner of the pool. I'll be the first to admit, we just made it worse and we're going to address that small cesspool that has formed in the pool-liner-lined crater, hopefully before the mosquitoes, frogs, and snakes get too out of hand. They've got to be such a nuisance to you. And that small building that we razed in the interest of opening up the view a little bit? Just let me explain. When we tore it down I really thought that we would then be cleaning it up, but time went on and I guess we just lost our momentum and now the view that I was so excited about is just that of a torn down building. And when we installed the cable we had no idea that the cable company would cut through the underground power line that was tapped (illegally as it turns out, which is why we've have such a bitch of a time getting it fixed) off the house, which is now spewing electricity all over you. I'm paying dearly for that one, literally. What else can account for our astronomical electricity bills?
In my defense I've been very overwhelmed with fixing up the inside of the house, where I actually have to LIVE. I mean this in the best way possible, but my concern with you is strictly aesthetic, whereas the house is really a matter of functionality. I mean, I can't very well live in a house without a toilet, and let's face it, that would just make things worse for you if that were the case. Am I right? But in all seriousness, I know that you see me morning after morning making my way to the car with kids and diapers and bags and Wal-Mart sacks filled with improvised lunches, keychain in my mouth, hair in my face, usually yelling at the dogs (aren't they awful?). You have to notice how busy I am, and by the time I get home and can actually think about helping you all I have the energy to do is watch TV (by the by, you'd love this show called "Desperate Housewives," I think of you every time I see it) and stare out the window and wish that both you and I were different. I promise to do better this summer.